Shattered
by ilovetvalot
Summary: How does Spencer Reid react when his life is nearly shattered with one small bullet?


_**Author's Note: Thanks to everyone who has been patiently waiting for our stories to be posted. We appreciate your support and apologize for any delays. Real life, however, has taken precedence! We always want to be able to provide you with quality stories and chapters, so our postings may be a bit sporadic over the next month.**_

_**Please check out our most recent challenge on our forum – March Madness! The guidelines are simple: You suggest a pairing and choose a TV title from the list provided (shows are from the 70s, 80s, and 90s). We'll assign out the pairings & suggestions by March 4, and you have until March 31 to create just the perfect story based on the prompts you receive. Your final story does NOT have to be about the TV show prompt, but you do have to use the TV show title in the story somehow. Check out our forum, Chit Chat on Author's Corner, for details and to sign up…you can find a link on our profile pages.**_

_**As always, we do not own Criminal Minds or any of the characters that we so enjoy writing. If we did own them, we would have never had JJ leave!**_

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**Shattered**

He didn't need to open his eyes to see those big dark puppy dog eyes silently condemning him. He could feel the intensity of his partner's gaze scorching his skin. Sighing heavily, he kept his eyes closed as he grumbled, "Stop looking at me like that, Reid."

"How do you know that I'm looking at you?" Spencer Reid asked simply, smiling tightly at the nurse as she nodded at him on her way out of the room, the door closing with a soft hiss behind her.

"You're always looking at me," he replied easily but tiredly, settling against the thin mattress of the hospital bed. Grimacing as he reached for the pillow behind his head and folded it in half, tucking it behind his head again with his remaining good arm, he finally turned his eyes toward the young man pacing the corner of the room nervously. "And for God sake, sit down. I told you. I'm fine."

"I categorically disagree with your assessment," Reid retorted, crossing his arms defensively over his thin chest, his hands balling into fists under his armpits as he stared at his partner, his friend, and his lover for the past three months.

"Why am I not surprised at all by that statement?" he muttered under his breath as he stared blindly at the dingy ceiling tiles above his bed. Shouldn't a hospital keep their environment cleaner? Wasn't it part of the whole patient-infection routine or something?

"Probably because, despite your current surly attitude, you know that I'm right. And you are not fine. You're shot. And you don't get shot. You don't even get hurt. I get shot. I get hurt. And I would have this time, too, if you hadn't shoved me out of the way," Reid said, each word growing more agitated as he leaned forward.

"I've been shot before," he said, shrugging one shoulder carelessly as he met his lover's eyes. "It's no big deal."

"Are you insane?" Reid whispered hoarsely, his eyes widening at the ease with which those words had rolled off his lover's lips. "It is a very big deal. At least, for me, it is. What if the bullet had missed your arm and went into your chest? What if the unsub had been using cop killer bullets? What if you'd..." Reid choked, the rest of his question going unspoken as that familiar fear paralyzed him again, rendering him speechless.

Seeing Reid's already pale cheeks blanch to the point of transparency, he immediately felt a guilty flush creep over his own face. He'd put that look in the younger man's eyes. And while he didn't regret his actions of the day, he'd have given his left nut to erase that shattered look from his face. "Hey," he chided gently. "C'mere, Spencer," he ordered, his words slurring slightly as the pain medication they'd pumped into his IV began to do its intended job. Already, the burning sensation in the muscle of his right arm was ebbing and a warmth was spreading through his extremities.

Watching as the talented genius shuffled reluctantly toward his bed, he smiled reassuringly. Reaching up to brush an errant lock of sandy hair from the junior profiler's angular, angelic face, he murmured, "You've got to concentrate on the facts. The bullet did hit me in the arm. The bullets weren't cop killers. And, most importantly, I'm still here with you, Spencer," his deep voice rumbled supportively.

Leaning against the hand stroking his cheek, Reid closed his eyes. "I couldn't take it if..."

"Don't let your mind go there," he ordered sternly, wincing as he watched a lone teardrop fall against his lover's cheek.

"I can't help it," Reid whispered raggedly, afraid to open his eyes; the knowledge all too real that if he did, the floodgates would open.

Pressing his lips together, he glanced toward the closed door, mentally willing their moment of privacy to continue as he tugged Spencer's hand gently. "Come here, Spencer."

"No, we're not alone here," Reid declared adamantly as he shook his head, swallowing past the lump in his throat.

"I don't give a damn," he replied in a hard voice, his eyes narrowing. "Either you sit down or I stand up, but one way or another I'm going to wrap my good arm around you," he threatened, throwing the sheet off his legs as he prepared to make good on his warning.

"No!" Reid panicked, his mind immediately running through the list of complications that could develop if the other man moved wrong. "I'll sit," he said, dropping down to perch on the edge of the bed at the other man's hip. "Just stay still like they told you to. Please?" he begged, his eyes going to the bandaged wound on the other profiler's arm. Usually, he'd be distracted by his lover's naked chest...but, not tonight. Tonight he only had eyes for the garish blood spattered dressing covering a bullet wound he was responsible for.

"Stop looking at my damned arm, Spencer," he demanded, gently redirecting the younger man's gaze to his face with an insistent finger underneath his lover's chin. "I am going to be fine."

"But you aren't fine now, are you?" Reid rasped, his eyes filling with helpless tears again. Blinking hard against the gathering moisture, he shook his head furiously, answering for the elder man. "No, you're not."

"I will be," he solidly assured Reid, well aware how much this emotional night was affecting the other man. On the best of days, Reid was disturbed by emotive moments, choosing instead to focus on the coldly scientific facts that he knew so well and it was obvious that today's events had pushed his young wunderkind past his self-imposed limits into a maelstrom of unfamiliar and alien feelings.

"You almost left me," he heard Spencer accuse huskily, his tear bright eyes spearing him to the bed where he lay as sharply as any blade could have, and the moment hit him with poignancy that stole his breath.

He shook his head in denial. "You know I'd never willingly leave you, Spencer. But do you think that I'd have felt any differently if you'd have been the one that had taken that bullet?"

"I don't know," Reid replied, almost sullenly as his lean fingers wiped the tracks his tears had left. "You shoved me out of the way. But you promised that you'd never allow our personal lives to influence our professional choices."

"Damn right, I did. And I'd do it again. I love you, Spencer," he whispered violently, squeezing his young lover's hand in his. "And you're right, I did make you that promise. But I made that oath before I fell in love with you. Before I realized that I wouldn't want to wake up without you beside me in the morning. So yeah, I shoved you out of the way. Deal with it."

"What if I can't?" Reid asked shakily.

"You can," he stated confidently, his dark eyes boring into the light blue orbs of his lover.

Lips twitching uncertainly, Reid stared down at their joined hands. "You scared me," he confided. "And I haven't been that scared since Jason left."

"Gideon left you by choice," he countered, stroking his thumb across the top of Spencer's hand comfortingly. "You should know by now that I'd never do that," he admonished gently.

"I do. Know it, that is," Reid added haltingly. "But," he said, licking his dry lips as he lifted his eyes to meet his love's gaze, "I also know that gone is gone...the reasons behind the absence won't kill the pain if you leave me."

"Spencer," he said, gazing tenderly into the young man's eyes, so innocently loving, "come here," he murmured, tugging Reid's lean body down to lie against his. Waiting until the younger man had settled his tense form against his, he continued. Stroking his hair, his voice pitched low, he explained, "Spencer, I don't have a crystal ball. I don't know how long we'll have together. I do know that I want to make every day count...that every day I have, I want to spend with you. I can't think of any person on earth that has ever made me as happy as I feel when we're together. We have to take every day as it comes. I don't want to leave you...and I don't want to think about ever having to leave you...or you leaving me, for that matter. But, if the choice comes down to one of us living or dying...I'm going to pick you to live every time."

"You're an idiot," Reid mumbled against his shirt.

"Well, I guess when you're a genius, I guess it's easy to see everybody else as a moron," he chided, pressing a kiss to his lover's warm forehead. "Get some sleep," he ordered softly.

"I can't," Reid yawned, the pressure of the horrendous afternoon finally overriding the adrenaline rush he'd been riding. "Somebody might come in," he said, lifting a hand to gesture toward the door.

"Shhh," he soothed against Reid's temple. "The only thing that matters right now is the man I'm holding. Screw the rest of the world and what they think. Right now is for you and me."

Laughing into his boyfriend's chest, Reid murmured, "You won't be saying that if Strauss walks through that door."

"Wanna bet?" he smirked, tightening his good arm around the thin frame of his lover's body.

"No," Reid shook his head as he closed his eyes, "I'm afraid you'd take my money," he said sleepily.

"I would, if only to teach you a lesson. The only person that matters to me in this scenario is you, Spencer," he whispered, holding the younger man tightly as he passed from consciousness to slumber.

And only then did David Rossi allow his own eyes to close.

_**Finis**_


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